Beetlemania

So it seems I've got myself a new pet. I think I'm going to call him Eduardo. He's a little beetle who's taken up residence in my bathroom.

He's been there for the past week or so, no bigger than my fingernail, and he seems happy enough just beetling about. Truth be told, the first time I made his acquaintance I did consider scooping him up and flushing him, but it somehow seemed a little unfair. After all, I'm a lot bigger than he is, and he seemed to be having fun.

I'm not a big fan of insects usually, but I'm finding myself quite liking having little Eduardo around. Spiders are quite sinister, and flying insects are just annoying, but beetles - particularly little ones - are kind of like the cadillac of the insect world. All black and shiny as if they've spent all day polishing themselves. Cockroaches are too segmented and chitinous for my liking, but beetles have a simple solidity to them that I almost admire. Most insects seem somehow dirty, but I imagine a beetle - and Eduardo in particular - could wear a top hat and a cane with a certain aplomb. He could even pull off a waxed moustache and a French accent with a measure of style.

I'm a little bit worried about him, though. I have no idea what beetles eat - he hasn't touched the thimble of smoked salmon and caviar I left out for him the other day. I love the fact that my shiny shiny tiled bathroom appeals to him as a place of residence - it must be like a huge linoleum adventure playground for him - but lately he's started freezing as soon as I go in and turn the light on, as if I'm spoiling his fun.

Now that I think about it, it's very possible he could be dead.