bwv61

I just heard on the HB that bwv61 (affectionately known - to me at least - as "bev") died last Monday.

Or did she?

It's a sure thing that bwv61 is no more. What's not so clear is whether it's just been a nickname or an actual person that has passed on.

bev was - to say the least - unique. In the short time I knew her, I found her to be funny, witty, intelligent; but, more than all that, what impressed me most about her was the fact that she took even the harshest criticisms with grace, dignity and wit. Even when people were being downright nasty to her, she was never nasty back. There was always a knowing smile behind every post she made - she always countered cruelty with kindness, and I thought all the more of her for it.

Whatever the circumstances, I'm sad that she's gone. Thing is, though, she's left a more than a few questions behind her. Jutta's memorial post on the HB - which I was shocked to read in the first place - hasn't exactly attracted a stream of touching epitaphs. People whose opinions I value are doubting whether she actually existed in the first place. And so now, I don't know what to believe.

The cynic in me looks back over what I knew of her with a cold, steely eye, and finds much to ponder over. First off - she never made any newbie-typical mistakes. As both a poster of new ideas and as an annotator, she seemed to hit the ground running, She seemed to "get" the site from the get-go. Also, every one of her ideas/annos seemed to progress her story somewhat - "Bubu"/smoking was mentioned at every opportunity, and, rather than giving an opinion in her annos, she almost seemed to give another little slice of her life instead. And it did seem odd that her short time at the HB coincided exactly with her smoking habits finally catching up with her. I also found it a little strange that - given that she'd not been visiting the HB for very long - someone still emailed Jutta to let her know that she had died.

The optimist in me refutes all these points, though. I kind of hit the ground running as an HBer myself - the site chimed in with my sense of humour immediately: it struck a chord, and I struck back. And one of the things that I liked about her was the fact that she would relate everything back to her day-to-day situation - it seemed to me like she was so happy about having met Bubu that she'd share that experience with anyone who'd care to listen. Timing-wise - who knows? Shit happens, and it does so in its own time. As to my last point in the previous paragraph - bev had obviously been spending a lot of time at the HB recently. And she'd mentioned that Bubu had been looking over her shoulder most of the time.

So - all things considered, I have no idea what's happened. I actually do hope that some sick fuck has been hoaxing us all. At least if that's true nobody's died. As things stand, I don't know what to think.

The only thing that's certain is that I'll miss you, bev. I didn't know you well, but I enjoyed reading every word you wrote.